25 Sep Yours Irreverently – October 2023
This humour column is compiled by your FOODStuff SA editor, Brenda Neall, for PPM Magazine – some light-hearted stuff that we hope you will enjoy!
Old words, new meanings #2
Following on from last month’s column, some more word fun from the wonderful BBC comedy panel show, ‘I’m sorry, I haven’t a clue’, where panellists come up with new meanings to existing words, such as these…. some take a bit of work to get!
Busking – owner of many buses
Condescending – prisoner in a lift
Crucifix – religious adhesive
Extractor fan –one who used to like farm machinery
Gelatine – a device for cutting the heads off jelly babies
Harum-scarum – a truly terrifying haircut
Hippocampus – a very large, gay cat
Hollyhock –the art of pawning Christmas decorations
Inquest –a search for pubs
Justice –nothing other than ice
Knowing – unable to fly
Lavender – someone whose sole purpose is to destroy toilets
Lobster – someone addicted to throwing things
Nudity – song for when the old one gets stale and boring
Papist –dad’s drunk
Octagon –a dead octopus
Barstool – sheep droppings
Funny money true story
👍 A thumbs-up emoji ended up costing a Canadian farmer $61,784 (R1.2-million) in July this year, after a judge ruled that the emoji symbol – sent via his phone in reply to a photo of a flax-buying contract – was the equivalent of the farmer accepting the terms of the contract.
An expensive lesson in the use of seemingly harmless ‘fun’ emojis.
Dad jokes never go out of fashion
The silly, cringy jokes Dad’s love – for time immemorial! Here are ten newer ones …. try not to roll your eyes!
- My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex. They’re his watch dogs!
- I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
- Air used to be free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why? Inflation.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.
- My wife said I was immature. So, I told her to get out of my fort.
- I invented a new word today: plagiarism!
- I tell dad jokes but I have no kids… I’m a faux pa!
- Can February march? No, but April may!
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
Senior WitBits
- All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
- Mirrors don’t lie. And lucky for us they don’t laugh.
- I had a lot of stuff to do today. Now I have lot of stuff to do tomorrow.
- Sixty might be the new forty but 9pm is the new midnight.
- I’ve come to a point in life where I need a stronger word than f***!