20 Dec 2016 Yours Irreverently October 2016

Modern ways #1

I was visiting my daughter last night, when I asked her if I could borrow a newspaper.

‘This is the 21st century,’ she said, ‘we don’t waste money on newspapers. Here use my iPad.’

I can tell you this, that fly never knew what hit him.

Modern ways #2

In the English lesson…

Teacher to pupil: ‘Okay Sarah, what’s your sentence with the word ‘Contagious’ in it?

She replies: ‘Our neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch paint brush, and my dad said it will take the contagious.’

Punctuation is powerful

An English professor wrote the words: ‘A woman without her man is nothing’ on the chalkboard and then asked the students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote: ‘A woman, without her man, is nothing.’

All of the females in the class wrote: ‘A woman: without her, man is nothing.’

For the rugby morose…

Rugby is a simple game… For eighty minutes, men run up and down a field, and in the end,
The All Blacks win.

Tweets of the month

@MarikaSboras: ‘What happened to the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? Lay awake all night wondering if there was a Dog.’

‏@MaxduPreez: ‘Americans say things differently. “Gas” for “petrol”, “elevator” for “lift”, “presidential candidate” for “racist, sexist swine”.’

@TheMarkTwain: ‘We have the best government that money can buy.’

@Anonymous: ‘When I asked for a smoking hot body, menopause was not what I had in mind.’

@Anonymous: ‘Respect your parents. They passed school without Google.’

@greynomads: ‘I have found a man never really knows the value of a woman’s love… until he pays maintenance.’

Last word for all the editors of the world

‘If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.’ George Bernard Shaw

Courtesy: PACKAGiNG & Print Media Magazine, October 2016 issue