25 Sep Yours Irreverently – May 2024
This humour column is compiled by your FOODStuff SA editor, Brenda Neall, for PPM Magazine – some light-hearted stuff that we hope you will enjoy!
Add a single word, ruin a song
This columnist is fan of BBC Radio 4’s wonderful comedy show, I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue, which sometimes includes this game: ‘Ruin/improve a film/TV series/song title by adding one word’. Here are some new songs:
- Tell Laura I love her sister.
- The long and winding roadworks.
- Beethoven’s Fifth Best Symphony.
- Three times a ladyboy.
- Hello blowup Dolly.
- Take five Immodium.
- I left my heart pills in San Francisco.
- Don’t stand so bloody close to me.
- It’s raining removal men.
- I’m dreaming of a white nationalist Christmas.
- Rhapsody in blue cheese.
Quirky quips
Two fellows in a bar, says one: ‘You know, I really like athletic women, not skinny with no meat on their bones.’
Says the other: ‘I like my women like I like my kidneys…’
‘What the hell does that mean?’ queries his friend.
‘Well, one is fine, but I’d rather have two.’
He: ‘Hello darling, what’s for dinner?’
She: ‘Nothing, I didn’t feel like cooking.’
He: ‘But we had nothing last night?’
She: ‘I know, I made enough for two days…’
He: ‘Social media is a minefield – you never know who you’re going to offend with your comments.’
She: ‘What have you done now?
He: ‘Well, I’ve learnt that the appropriate comment to a photo of a new baby isn’t YIKES!’
Two fellows in a bar, says one: ‘I’m thinking about signing up for Netflix – I know you have it, do you rate its content?’
Replies the other: ‘Well my wife completely ignores me when she watches Netflix, so I renewed our subscription for another five years.’
This month’s X chuckles
Mike Trapp @MikeWTrapp: ‘Pyjamas are proof that we hate ourselves. We made the most comfortable clothes but decided we can only wear them while we’re unconscious.’
Nate @thenatewolf: ‘HUMAN BODY: I can grow a fully formed baby in like 9 months, brain functioning, respiratory systems, eyeballs, everything!
ME: Cool, cool. So, how long will it take my twisted ankle to feel better?
HUMAN BODY: Seven years and it will never be the same.’
Courtesy: PACKAGiNG & Print Media Magazine, May 2024 issue