25 Sep Yours Irreverently – May 2023

This humour column is compiled by your FOODStuff SA editor, Brenda Neall, for PPM Magazine – some light-hearted stuff that we hope you will enjoy!

Two stories for the 2023’s

Friend 1: I asked ChatGPT to write a profile for me for Tinder…
Friend 2: And how did it do?
Friend 1: Great actually, I prompted with my preferences and it came up with this: ‘Looking for a wife who will cook, clean, make love, snuggle, laugh at my jokes… And go home when her husband calls her.’

Friend 1: So, I hear you broke up with your boyfriend?
Friend 2: Yes, I’m so tired of these modern, sensitive, wimpy men…. Men used to be rugged and smoke Marlboros. Now they cry if they lose their blueberry cheesecake vape.

Source: www.faceless.co.za

Great Dad tweets

The Dad @ thedad: When I was young, I used to watch my dad fix his car and wonder if I’d be able to do the same thing one day, and now here I am, an adult, watching him fix my car.

Deacon Blues @ deadonblues: BREAKING NEWS! Today I used a piece of wood that I kept in my garage since 2006 in case I might need it.

Butter Knife @ butter: No matter how big and bad you are, when a two-ear old hands you a toy phone, you answer it.

Marcy G @Bunand Leggings: When I was four my dad got pulled over and I screamed, ‘I have to poop!!’, and then the cop let my dad go. When he took me to the bathroom my dad couldn’t stop laughing after I told him I didn’t have to poop, just didn’t want him to get a ticket. Sure hope my kids return the favour!

Guy Leech @guyrleech: I took my 8-year old to the office on Take Your Child to Work Day. As we were walking around, she started crying, so I asked what was wrong. As my co-workers gathered round, she sobbed: ‘Daddy, were are all the clowns that you said you worked with?’

Woody B @Woody_B: Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Brand @sportsnerd4life: Parenting hack: There are no hacks. Everything is hard. Kids don’t listen. This is your life now. Godspeed.

Sharp one-liners

• A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here.’
• What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities.
• Why did the scarecrow receive an award? He was outstanding in his field.
• I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
• What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A hippo ‘s really heavy; a zippo’s a little lighter.
• I used to own an ice factory, but it went into liquidation.

WitBit

Life is not a fairy tale! If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk!

Courtesy: PACKAGiNG & Print Media Magazine, May 2023 issue