25 Sep 2024 Yours Irreverently – March 2024
This humour column is compiled by your FOODStuff SA editor, Brenda Neall, for PPM Magazine – some light-hearted stuff that we hope you will enjoy!
Profoundly irreverent takes on life
The ladies of Twitter (now X) serve some brilliant and succinct wit. Some latest samples from the Huffington Post’s regular tweet columns:
gen @genmxn: ‘I’m an American married to an Aussie. Can confirm their insults are creative. My husband once told me I was bitchier than a vegan crocodile.’
Marly @VerbsRProudest: ‘February is like our junk drawer. Got an extra “r” you really don’t need? Throw it in there. An extra day? Toss it into February. Whatever.’
Heatherhere @Heatinblack: ‘Fridge ice dispenser – when you want some ice in your cup but also some on the floor.’
Pru @prufrockluvsong: ‘At some point somebody looked at lentils and said “I’m gonna eat these pebbles”.’
Mommy Needs A Life @mom_needsalife: ‘I think I’m pretty smart until I’m asked to tap to pay for something – here? where? here? do it again? did that work?’
Shoulda Known Better@shegot99problms: ‘Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.’
Mom Jeans @momjeansplease: ‘Please don’t ask me to repeat myself I wasn’t listening either.’
Noor @Noorthevirgo: ‘It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it then feel really sad around 8pm.’
Helleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard: ‘It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house under the threat of someone coming over.’
Boss gags
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new BMW, I said, ‘Wow, that’s an amazing car!’ He replied, ‘If you work hard, put all your hours in and strive for excellence, I’ll get another one next year.’
Boss: ‘I know it was your idea … but it was my idea to use your idea!’
Boss: ‘Are you on drugs?’ Me: ‘You and I both know that they don’t pay me enough to have a drug problem.’
Boss: ‘This is the third time you’ve been late to work this week. Do you know what that means?’ Me: ‘It’s Wednesday…’
My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.
Me: ‘This show is boring…’ Boss: ‘Again, this is a Zoom meeting…’
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick, especially since his name is Steve.
Shortest horror story: Monday.
Bitch bits
- Don’t provoke me… Remember, I’ve been washing bloodstains off my clothing for years!
- I try to be a nice person… but sometimes my mouth doesn’t cooperate.
- The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run!
Courtesy: PACKAGiNG & Print Media Magazine, March 2024 issue