25 Sep Yours Irreverently – June 2023
This humour column is compiled by your FOODStuff SA editor, Brenda Neall, for PPM Magazine – some light-hearted stuff that we hope you will enjoy!
Flying stories
Shortly after a BA flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: ‘This is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and… OH…MY GOD!!’
Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom to an anxious cabin.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee on my lap. You should see the front of my pants!’
From the back of the plane, a passenger yelled ‘For the luvva Jaysus, you should see the back of mine!’
- I asked a flight attendant to change my seat because of a crying baby next to me. It turns out you can’t do that if the baby is yours.
- Minimum Connecting Time: Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates.
- What is the difference between God and a pilot? God doesn’t think he’s a pilot.
- How do you know when you are half-way through a date with a pilot? Because he says: ‘That’s enough about flying, let’s talk about me!’
- When the pilot says ‘Well, folks…’ you know you’re in for the worst delay of your life.
At the gym…
Trainer: ‘Welcome to the gym… I will be your personal trainer. Do you have any questions before we start?’
Exerciser: I want to impress that beautiful girl over there, which machine should I use?
Trainer: Use the ATM outside…
At the doctor’s…
Doc: ‘Are you feeling any better?’
Patient: ‘Well, I applied the haemorrhoid cream you prescribed and I got a very nasty reaction.’
Doc: ‘Really? Where exactly did you apply it?’
Patient: ‘Right there in the pharmacy.’
At the bank…
Client: ‘I need to take out quite a substantial loan… My wife’s in very bad shape and is currently attached to a machine that keeps her alive.’
Manager: ‘I’m sorry to hear that, a ventilator or a respirator?’
Client: ‘Neither, a refrigerator.’
In the classroom…
Maths teacher: ‘If I have three bottles in one hand and two in the other hand, what do I have?
Student: ‘A drinking problem.’
Source: www.faceless.co.za
WitBits
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
Have children while your parents are young enough to take care of them.
Courtesy: PACKAGiNG & Print Media Magazine, June 2023 issue