25 Sep Yours Irreverently – July 2023

This humour column is compiled by your FOODStuff SA editor, Brenda Neall, for PPM Magazine – some light-hearted stuff that we hope you will enjoy!

After the honeymoon…

Proof that marriage is hilarious, frustrating and wonderful all at once…

• You call it OCD. I call it, ‘Put the f***** thing back where it belongs!’
• You call it nagging. I call it, ‘Listen to what I f***** said the first time!’
• Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
• If at first you don’t succeed… try doing it the way your wife told you.
• Marriage IS a fairy tale… just in reverse. You start out at a ball in a beautiful gown and end up spending all day cleaning up after little people.
• I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.
• Marriage is like a good cardio workout. If it’s never challenging, you’re probably not doing it right.
• Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, oh, I put up with you. So, we’re even.

Generation gap

A mom texts, ‘Hi! Son, what do IDK, LY and TTYL mean?’
He texts back, ‘I don’t know, love you and talk to you later.’
The mom replies, ‘It’s OK, don’t worry about it. I’ll ask your sister. Love you too.’

Tweet (X) tickles

Lucy Huber @clhubes: I was all for feminism until we bought a house and I found out how many documents you need to sign. I cannot be involved in this, I am just a little housewife.

Taylor Kay Phillips @TayKayPhillips: Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with ‘Just so I understand…’

Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues: Cashier: Your total is $2,967. Me: Okay. Please take off the greeting card. Cashier: Your total is now $7.

Heath Franklin @ELjEFEdELcHOP: The people who make fitted sheets need to sit down with the people who make mattresses and get on the same goddamn page. Making a bed shouldn’t be like putting a swimming cap over a fridge.

Tisya Mavuram @tmavuram: I’ve also invented a Twitter competitor. It’s called ‘my phone number’ and if I like you, I’ll text you every dumb thought that goes through my head.

Ed: Bye-bye tweets! A thought? What are we going to call tweet equivalents with Twitter’s bizarre new X name, branding and offer?

WitBits

‘Never miss a good chance to shut up.’ ~ Will Rogers

‘It isn’t the ups and downs that make life difficult; it’s the jerks.’ ~ Charlie Chaplin

‘Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?’ ~ George Carlin

Courtesy: PACKAGiNG & Print Media Magazine, July 2023 issue