20 Dec Yours Irreverently July 2016

Cool collection of collective nouns

A pretension of intellects
An exchange of call girls
A grapple of hookers
An aarmory of aardvarks
A camp of transvestites
An abandonment of orphans
An absence of waiters
An attitude of teenagers
A clench of sphincters
A clutch of testicles
A mass of Catholics
An overcharge of plumbers
An earful of iPod users
A clique of photographers
A lot of used car salesmen
A cacophony of DJs
A barf of bulimics
A body of pathologists
A pinch of shoplifters
A bling of celebrities
A lunching of executives
An imposition of in-laws

The power of marketing

For all the women out there and the hours, pain and expense we spend in fighting our natural body hair – it is all a marketing ploy!

Body hair removal dates as far back as ancient Egypt, but became widespread in society during the 20th century when Gillette sold its first razor for women in 1915, declaring body hair to be ‘unsightly’. The rest is, well, smooth or stubbly, history!

And gullible generations of women and men continue to revile what is just human and natural?

Quick quips

Cleopatra asked her servant to fill her bath with milk. He said: ‘Pasteurised madam?’ She replied, ‘No just past my elbows will be fine…’

This may be the wine talking, but I really, really, really, really love wine.

Give me coffee to change the thinks I can and wine to accept the things I can’t.

The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids. It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.

In America, feng shui is just aiming all of your furniture at the TV.

After my Grandmother passed, all us grand-kids were comparing stories and discovered Each of us was her fav.

When I was a teenager, there was only one phone app. It was called the ‘dial tone’.

Interior designers say your home should have a theme. Mine is toys on the floor of every room, paired with piles of laundry as focal points.

Being a husband is like being a weatherman. You can be wrong 80% of the time and still hold onto your job.

Last word to Groucho Marx

‘Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.’

Courtesy: PACKAGiNG & Print Media Magazine, July 2016 issue