25 Sep Yours Irreverently – January 2023
This humour column is compiled by your FOODStuff SA editor, Brenda Neall, for PPM Magazine – some light-hearted stuff that we hope you will enjoy!
Flying flips #1
Apparently a true story…
A crowded United Airlines flight at JFK gets cancelled. A single agent is re-booking a long line of grumpy travellers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushes his way to the desk. He slaps the counter and says, ‘I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.’
The agent replies, ‘I’m sorry, sir, but I’ve got to help these folk first, and then I’ll be happy to try to help you out.’
The passenger is unimpressed. He asks loudly, ‘DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?’
Without hesitating, the agent smiles and grabs her public address microphone. ‘May I have your attention, please… We have a passenger at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14.’
With the folk around him laughing hysterically, the man glares at the agent, and spews, ‘F*** you!’
Without flinching, she smiles and says, ‘I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to get in line for that, too.’
Flying flips #2
BA pilot approaching Frankfurt airport: ‘BA904 asking for clearance to land…’
Frankfurt: ‘Head to runway approach blah blah blah.’
BA pilot: ‘Sorry, can you clarify what runway that is?’
Frankfurt, sarcastically: ‘What’s up, have you never been to Frankfurt before?’
BA pilot: ‘Yes, many times in 1942 but I wasn’t stopping!’
Five quick quips
- People tell me I’m condescending. That means I talk down to people.
- What do you call a snobbish criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending.
- I arranged a threesome on the weekend. Had two no shows, but I still had fun.
- I stand corrected, said the man in the orthopaedic shoes.
- Jurisprudence fetishist gets off on a technicality.
Wine WitBit
‘A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.’ – Louis Pasteur