25 Sep Yours Irreverently – February 2023
This humour column is compiled by your FOODStuff SA editor, Brenda Neall, for PPM Magazine – some light-hearted stuff that we hope you will enjoy!
The other night I overheard three women talking…
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached them and asked: ‘Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?’
One of them angrily screeched: ‘It’s Wales! Wales, you bloody idiot!’
So I apologised and replied: ‘I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?’
And that’s the last thing I remember.
Work words of weariness – or worse….
- I wake up with a good attitude every day. Then idiots happen.
- Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.
- So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?
- Work tip: Stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.
- Come here, you big, beautiful cup of coffee. And lie to me about how much we’re gonna get done today.
- I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work.
- Whoever says nothing surprises them should try working at our office.
- Deja Poo: The feeling of having heard all this c*** before!
- Dear boss, first of all, I would like to let you know I’m typing this with my middle finger.
Short chuckles…
I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, and I thought to myself, ‘Wow, dogs are easily entertained.’ Then I realised: I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes.
Me: Dad, how did you guys manage without WhatsApp & SMS?
My Dad: We used to keep useless information to ourselves.
When I was a boy, my momma would send me down to a corner store with $1 and I’d come back with five potatoes, two loaves of bread, three bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and six eggs.
You can’t to do that now… too many damn security cameras.
A foreigner asks an Indian husband: ‘Why Indian women have red dot on their forehead?’
Indian replies: ‘Because they record everything…’
Q: What does an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac do?
A: Stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.
What happens when you play country music backwards?
You get your wife back, your kids back, your house back…
A masochist asks a sadist, ‘Please hurt me.’ ‘No,’ replies the sadist.
College taught me a valuable lesson. I’m still paying for it.
Wife: (looking in mirror) ‘I’m looking really fat today, please give me a compliment…’
Man: ‘You have damn good eye sight’.
WitBit: For the love of dogs
Dog is such a very small word for something that takes up so much room in your heart.