Anuga 2017
Carst and Walker

Yours Irreverently August 2016

Olympic Games 2016 gaffes

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: ‘This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.’

2. Dressage commentator: ‘This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.’

3. Paul Hamm, gymnast: ‘I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.’

4. Boxing analyst: ‘Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.’

5. Softball announcer: ‘If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.’

6. Basketball analyst: ‘He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.’

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: ‘Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.’

8. Soccer commentator: ‘Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.’

9. Tennis commentator: ‘One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?’

#LGE2016 humour

Our momentous local general elections gave rise to some awesome social media humour… these gems on Twitter…

Adriaan Basson, editor of News24, tweeted this question following the PE/Nelson Mandela Bay result: ‘Where’s Danny?’ And he got the following replies:

  • ‘He’s surrendered. Reportedly in good care in Guantanamo!!!
  • ‘Ducking from the FBI…’
  • ‘He apparently ran away when he heard there was this Jesus guy seen in NMB streets.’
  • ‘He decided to go to Zurich and take the heat.’
  • ‘Overseeing the paper shredding currently going on at municipal offices.’
  • ‘He is meeting with the FBI. Prefers that to meeting the local press.’

******

There once was an old man from Nkandla,

Who led all his voters asunder,

He thought he was funny

To #notpaybackthemoney

Now the people have spoken! Amandla!

Wine quips

What they say at a wine-tasting: ‘I’m getting raspberry with hints of freshly baked dough and a chocolate finish…'”
What they think at a wine-tasting: ‘I’m getting pissed…”

Wine is to women as duct tape is to men… it fixes everything!

‘We all need something to help us unwind at the end of the day. You might have a glass of wine, or a joint, or a big delicious blob of heroin to silence your silly brainbox of its witterings but there has to be some form of punctuation, or life just seems utterly relentless.’ Russell Brand, British comedian

Courtesy: PACKAGiNG & Print Media Magazine, August 2016 issue

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