25 Sep Yours Irreverently – April 2023
This humour column is compiled by your FOODStuff SA editor, Brenda Neall, for PPM Magazine – some light-hearted stuff that we hope you will enjoy!
More realistic collective nouns
| An overcharge of plumbers | A clique of photographers |
| A whine of teenagers | A cacophony of DJs |
| A barf of bulimics | A surfeit of spammers |
| A gargle of word enthusiasts | A stonish of wonders |
| A bling of celebrities | A lunching of executives |
| A blather of bloggers | A conjugation of grammarians |
| A flight of runaway brides | A covey of highly effective people |
| A pride of expectant fathers | A lot of used car salesmen |
| A pinch of shoplifters | A stupor of television viewers |
| A tangle of hairdressers | A jam of tarts |
| An exchange of call girls | A grapple of hookers |
| An armory of aardvarks | A camp of transvestites |
| An abandonment of orphans | An absence of waiters |
| An attitude of teenagers | A clench of sphincters |
| A clutch of testicles | A mass of Catholics |
| A flunk of students | A pretension of intellects |
| A body of pathologists | An imposition of in-laws |
Lovely celebrity stories
“I’ve been too f******g busy and vice versa.” – Dorothy Parker
American actress Ilka Chase enjoyed success as a novelist and travelled extensively. In one encounter, an anonymous actress said to her: ‘I enjoyed reading your book. Who wrote it for you?
To which Chase replied: ‘Darling, I’m so glad that you liked it. Who read it to you?’
‘I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said “No.”’ – Woody Allen
‘Unconventionally attractive’ UK premier league soccer player Peter Crouch, upon being asked, ‘What would you be if you weren’t a footballer? He replied, ‘A virgin.’
‘Physics is like sex: sure, it can have practical results, but that’s not why we do it!’ – Richard Feynman, Nobel Prize-winning physicist
WitBits
- A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
- Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
- You know that tingly little feeling you get when you fancy someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.
Courtesy: PACKAGiNG & Print Media Magazine, April 2023 issue