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Yours Irreverently Nov-Dec 2016

Bittersweet tweets from those demolished by the US election

Michael Jordaan ‏@MichaelJordaan: The leader of the free world will be the guy that gropes or the girl who can’t do e-mail. This is what we’ve come to.

Max du Preez @maxdupreez: Great sayings by US presidents…

‘The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.’ Franklin D Roosevelt

‘Ask not what your country can do for you; but what you can do for your country.’ John F Kennedy

‘Grab them by the pussy.’ Donald J Trump

Evita Bezuidenhout ‏@TannieEvita: A rich egocentric old TV star decided to destroy both America’s political parties just for fun – and has succeeded!

joe heenan ‏@joeheenan: Just woke my children up & told them Santa’s dead. Don’t see why I should be the only one hearing terrible news this morning.

The Daily Mash @thedailymash: Relieved Britain no longer biggest f**k-up of 2016.

Paxmee @Paxmee: Tell me again how rape and sexual assault accusations will ruin a man’s career.

Charlie Lowell @cdlowell: I predict that zero babies will be born 9 months from tonight.

Matt Novak @paleofuture: BREAKING: America

Neil @Enanem: Ok, don’t panic… If we hold the North and South Pole down simultaneously for eight seconds, it’ll automatically restore to factory settings.

lindsay pereira @lindsaypereira: At this point, I honestly won’t be surprised if Kim Kardashian becomes the 46th US President.

Conan O’Brien @ConanOBrien: This Thanksgiving for the first time ever, your drunk uncle will seem quite ‘presidential’.

Does this sound familiar?

Your brain at 3am: ‘I can see you are trying to sleep, so I would like to offer you a selection of every memory, unresolved issue, or things you should have said or done today, or in the past 40 years!’

You know you’re getting old when…

Just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my car…. whilst using my phone as a torch….

The pilates instructor asked me how flexible I was… and I said I can’t make Tuesdays or Thursdays.

Hold on… If I’ve got a suppository in my ear, where the hell have I put my hearing aid?

Your back goes out more than you do…

You feel like the morning after and you haven’t been anywhere.

The earlier it gets late…

You see a group of hot chicks in bikinis, and your first thought is ‘I hope they’re wearing sunblock’.

Christmas Wit bit…

Three wise women would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, brought practical gifts, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and there would be peace on earth.

Courtesy: PACKAGiNG & Print Media Magazine, Nov-Dec 2016 issue

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